I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
