i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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