to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
