Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
