he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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