u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
