come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
