make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
