I think i peed on brittanys purse
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
