OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
