Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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