worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
