Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
