You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My life is pants optional.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
