last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
