he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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