was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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