So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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