my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
