I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
did i just pee glitter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
