This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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