Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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