Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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