Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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