Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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