I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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