Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
