man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
