I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize