Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
grandma shit on top of the toilet
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
