so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
