clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
