eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
