I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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