I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
