My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm both gender and math confused
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
