I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
