im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
did i walk over a car last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
