I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
