It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
