she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
