I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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