I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is Oprah even human
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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