I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize