Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i need some magic done to my vagina
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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