how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
