WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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