you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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