new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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