I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
