hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
