I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
