I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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