Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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