Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
