Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
