Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You smell like stripper and shame
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
