That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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