Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
