So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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