dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
