How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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