I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
