I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
