this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
