She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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