Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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